Friday, September 24, 2010

Is this insomnia or what?

I love my current job because my work shift is from 1:00 (or later) to 10:00 pm (or later). *Wink* I just wish my shift will stay like this forever. It is rare to find an accounting job with this kind of schedule, where there is no pressure for me to wake up early (unless there are morning meetings or events) and where there is still time for me to spend time with friends or whomever after work.

But one thing that really bugs me is the fact that I can't sleep when I get home. May I be home early (like 11:00 pm to 12:00 am) or late (3:00 to 6:00 am), I still don't feel sleepy at all, except when I'm really really drunk. Like I can just drink and drink everyday for me to easily fall into a deep slumber! Cannot be.

There must be reasons behind this. Let me think...
  • I watch TV when I get home. Cable TV offers so much variety of shows that catches my interest. I couldn't resist keeping my eyes fixed on those cool series or movies. So should I just throw away my TV set so that there would be no temptation? Absolutely not!
  • I surf the net. I am a total web rat - if you know what I mean. I am addicted to Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, YouTube, PR (know what this is?) and LO (how about this?)! Our home internet connection is open almost 24/7 and we have wi-fi access so I can browse via our PC, my laptop or my phone. No - I can't let go of this addiction.
  • I feel hungry at night. Yes, I may not look like a patay-gutom but I couldn't resist giving into my cravings at night - may it be a full meal or snacks. Then after eating, I wouldn't want to sleep due to fear of having nightmares and then die - just like the deceased Filipino matinee idol. So, in order for me not to fall asleep after eating, I either watch TV or surf the net, or both.
  • I keep on thinking about stuff. Even if I lose the appetite to watch TV, surf the net or eat, I lay down on my bed but still keep my brain busy thinking about things like work, friends, plans, memories, dreams, fantasies, fears, etc. So what choice do I have?

I seriously need help - professional help. Should I seek counselling and/or medication? But wait, is this the thing we call insomnia? I need to check its definition.

Insomnia: The perception or complaint of inadequate or poor-quality sleep  because of one or more of the following: difficulty falling asleep; waking up frequently during the night with difficulty returning to sleep; waking up too early in the morning; or unrefreshing sleep. Insomnia  is not defined by the number of hours of sleep a person gets or how long it takes to fall asleep. Individuals vary normally in their need for, and their satisfaction with, sleep. Insomnia may cause problems during the day, such as tiredness, a lack of energy, difficulty concentrating, and irritability.

So is this insomnia or what?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Why am I single?

Many people have asked me this question: "Why are you single?" Why am I single? Here are some of the answers that I can give.
  1. I broke up with my ex. *Laughs* Yes. I screwed up our 2-year relationship. Now it's just history. This is one silly reason why I am single. I won't go into the details, but if I didn't break up with him, I won't be single up to this very day. Moreover, my experiences with my past relationships might have brought this "trauma" that makes me sort of fear another serious commitment with a guy.
  2. I may be picky. Well, I'm not actually choosy when it comes to my potential partner's physical features. I just want someone who looks decent and presentable (at least). My being picky is more on a person's profile and background. This is one problem that I have. I have so much restrictions on what someone should be - from what school he graduated, what his occupation is, where he works, where his family came from and the like. I know this is something pretty unfair for me to do, but I dunno. I just can't seem to be seriously attracted to people who don't meet certain requirements of mine. I know. I know. This is kinda unreasonable.
  3. I am busy. There are so many things that I need to achieve at work. Not that I set all these goals, but I have to deliver many stuff that are not easy to accomplish in order for me to survive my dog-eat-dog career. Right now, I feel like I can't be distracted by relationship demands and dramas, unless a "perfect relationship" will come along which will not (in any way) affect my work.
  4. I tend to be inconsistent. I find it hard to maintain the momentum of the "spark" whenever I start seeing someone because of the things I keep myself busy with (i.e. work). Please refer to #3. Next thing I know, this guy starts seeing another guy when my inconsistency begins to draw us apart.
  5. There's no one out there. Many gay guys aren't serious, as I see it. They focus more on just merely dating and dating (and sleeping with) several guys, but won't end up staying with one. Again, this can probably be a very unfair statement, as I might also be guilty of this. This is just an observation, but someone can correct my misconception, of course! ;)
  6. Maybe I don't believe in relationships anymore. After all, my happiness does not depend on having a partner, anyway. Maybe. But who knows, I might change my mind if the "right person" comes along.
Why am I single? Maybe I can throw back a question like "Why are you in a relationship? Your life seems to be nearing rock bottom because of the stress that your relationship brings you." Therefore, so what if I'm single? The important thing is I am very happy with my life right now. Whatever your status may be, make the most out of it. Enjoy!

Friday, September 10, 2010

8 hours

8 hours fly so swiftly.
Come in.
Start the computer.
Open applications.
Check the emails.
Do critical and urgent tasks.
Do the routinary tasks.
Eat lunch. Chat. Smoke.
Coffee, well sometimes (if needed).
Surf the net.
Go back doing the routinary stuff.
Do some "extra" work.
Eat dinner. Chat. Smoke.
Surf the net.
Reply to forgotten emails.
Drive home.
These 8 hours tend to become seriously boring at times.
But these 8 hours keep me living.
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